I have been very hesitant to share this good news, as I was anxious it may be stripped away, but now that I have officially received the notice of award, the money has been transferred, and it is posted on NIH RePORTER…I am beyond proud to share that I was awarded the Ruth L. Kirschstein National Research Service Award (NRSA) Individual Predoctoral Fellowship, also known as the National Institutes of Health (NIH) F31!!!

I won’t put this lightly because I do deserve to celebrate and be proud of myself…it’s a really big deal 😁.

Under more normal circumstances, receiving this grant is a huge accomplishment. Under the current circumstances?? With all the threats to research funding?? This feels like an even bigger accomplishment. I am so proud, and so, so grateful.

I really feel like I went against all odds in receiving this award. My research is at the intersection of environmental and reproductive health, two fields that are not valued nor prioritized by the current presidential administration. I used many banned words in my grant proposal, including “risque” words like: woman, female, pregnancy, diverse backgrounds, equity, socioeconomic, just to name a few (please don’t tattle on me). When the new EOs came out in January, federal funds began getting cut, and the list of NSF “banned words” got released, I was certain my grant that I spent 6+ months preparing (along with 2.5+ years of the actual research) would simply get thrown out. I felt frustrated and filled with despair – not only feeling like all my hard work had been fruitless, but also concern over my future career, something I have worked very hard towards.

So – again – I am very grateful and proud to have received this award. 

To me, my whole career trajectory is a little funny to look back on and think about. I remember in 11th grade while taking AP Biology, I confidently stated that I would never work in a lab. Sure enough, I ended up working in a lab at the National Cancer Institute upon graduating from college, and ended applying to a PhD program where I would be committed to continuing to work in a lab for an additional 4-6 years! …and I have quite enjoyed it. So, knowing how much I often surprise even myself, when my boss first suggested I apply to this grant (wayyyy back in December 2023), I told her that I needed to find the passion within myself before agreeing, because I wasn’t sure my career goals aligned with the goals of this fellowship, but that I was open to it.

I eventually agreed to apply…and am obviously very glad that I did 😂 Not just because I got awarded, but because I found myself really enjoying the grant writing process – something I had not yet ever done before! It was a challenge, but a really fun challenge. I loved going down rabbit holes and reading eight to ten papers to cite just one sentence! With everything I learned, I generated new questions. I learned that I really love coming up with new ideas, asking new questions, and speculating about the world of possibilities. I guess it is true what they say: the more you learn, the less you know. And what’s a girl to do but dream?

I also really enjoyed making a detailed career and training plan for the next three years of my life 😂 …anyone who has ever worked with me or even just planned a trip with me (or received access to my highly detailed itinerary for my solo roadtrip to Maine) is not surprised to read this at all 😅 I will briefly give myself kudos and say that this section of my application was given the highest score possible and a comment, “This training plan is incredibly detailed and is clearly tailored to the applicant.” …yeah, I know that’s right!!

I enjoyed the grant writing process so much that I decided to ask our University’s Director of Writing Services if I could do an internship with her to gain more experience with scientific writing and grant preparation…(check out my previous blogpost “Never say no to yourself”) – I just started a couple of weeks ago, and it has already been an amazing experience 😊

Writing a grant was hard, it was a lot of work, but I do truly believe that it was a really great experience and very beneficial for my training. Waiting for the results and feedback?…now that was a whole different type of hard (and a whole lot of stress). Again, thanks to ✨everything going on✨, my grant review initially got postponed by almost 2 months. Everybody on my team agreed that this was a good thing, and meant that my grant wasn’t simply thrown out…I tried to gaslight myself into believing this, but I have to admit, I was actually very upset and stressed.

When I finally got my score back, it also took longer than expected to get my reviewer comments back. I had planned to re-submit if I was not funded on my initial submission, and so I wanted to get my comments back as soon as possible so that I would know what I needed to address to make my application stronger the second time around. I eventually decided to email my Program Officer (the person who directs and organizes the review of these grant applications) to ask. He surprised me by responding, “The odds were looking very good” that they’d be able to fund my project!!!! I was in Woods Hole, MA when I received this email, all alone, so I texted my boss the good news and she called me immediately to share the joy with me 🥰

Of course, it again took longer than expected to receive the official news that I had been awarded my grant. All in all, I submitted my application on November 25, 2024, and did not get “official” notice until August 12, 2025 😂😂😂 …yeah, that long. And I didn’t feel confident announcing this news until the money got transferred 😂

I am incredibly proud of myself, and grateful for the support I have received from my mentors, colleagues, and peers. So often now, I feel hopeless about my future career working in research, environmental health, and reproductive health. Being awarded this grant was a really great reminder to always stay true to myself and to my values – there will always be good people out there who see value in this work. I know there are many people who feel hopeless about the current state of affairs, so please know that good things are still happening and good things are still possible! Do not let the hate or fear drive you away from doing what is right and what is just.

I truly have no idea what the next step in my career will be, but I am very proud of everything that I have accomplished to help get me to wherever I’m heading next. The journey truly is the best part 😊