During your senior year of high school people begin asking you this one simple question: What’s next?

The question is simple and straightforward, but the answer is – most certainly – not.

It seems a little ridiculous to ask a 17 or 18 year old what they plan to do with the rest of their lives, as if the decisions we make at 17 will truly dictate the rest of our lives.

Life is not that concrete. We can always change our mind and choose something different. I certainly did! When I was applying for college, I planned to major in Exercise Science or Kinesiology and wrote about how amazed I was by my physical therapist, who diagnosed me with a very rare bone condition using only his hands. I was so impressed by his expertise that it sparked my initial desire to become a physical therapist.

Then, in my spring semester of my senior year of high school, I took AP Environmental Sciences with my soccer coach and became deeply impassioned by the work of environmental scientists. Coach Herber (gosh, I really hope he reads this) recommended two books to me: Silent Spring by Rachel Carson and The Sixth Extinction: An Unnatural History by Elizabeth Kolbert. I am not overexaggerating when I say that these books truly changed my life. I was no longer certain that I wanted to be a physical therapist and began wondering if there was something I could do where I could positively influence both environmental and human health.

I was only 18, so I had no idea what those options really were. Then, when I got my course schedule for my first semester at Towson University, and I saw the “Chemistry for Applied Health Sciences” …I panicked! I began to worry, “What if I don’t want to work in health sciences? What if I change my mind? Will this class even count as a prerequisite to something outside of the health sciences?”

I didn’t know who to talk to or how to fix this, other than by completely changing my major 😂 (this was a common solution for me). I continued to be confused by what I wanted to do, so I changed my major two more times, added a minor, and then changed that too. – I do want to take a moment to point out that one of the times I changed my major, it was because I felt really uncomfortable being alone in a room with my academic advisor. I couldn’t tell you exactly what it was about him, I just knew that I felt uncomfortable every time I saw him. Most women know this feeling and know what I’m talking about. – When you’re 20, you’re still young and don’t really know what you’re doing. I didn’t know who to talk to or how to fix this…other than by completely changing my major 😆 (I told you this was a common solution for me).

I finally decided that it didn’t matter what my major was, I just needed to graduate with a degree and I could figure out what to do next after that. I was so, so lucky to have had an amazing chemistry professor (for the general chemistry course that I ended up taking…not the applied health sciences one!!) who introduced me to the field of toxicology. I learned through him that toxicology was a field where I could positively influence both environmental and human health…and that that was what I wanted to pursue.

However, I didn’t decide this until my senior year of college – which is the next time in your life when people ask you that seemingly simple question: What’s next?

…except this time around, you feel like you need to have a more concrete answer, because now you have a whole college degree…that you spent a lot of money to earn. But – life isn’t concrete! And you can change your mind.

But, at 22, you don’t know that. Everything you do feels infinite and life altering. I remember feeling like a failure because I didn’t know what I wanted to do next, when it seemed like everyone else around me did. And everybody kept asking me this question, so I felt like I was supposed to have an answer.

Nonetheless, I did a fellowship at the National Cancer Institute, met amazing people, and contributed to some really cool science. I applied to graduate school with a lot more confidence and sureness in what my next steps would be. Emphasis on next steps…not five steps after that 😅

I learned through college to follow my interests, and trust that this will get me to where I want to be. And I learned that – in some ways – having a “clear set out plan” can be a waste of time and a cause for anxiety when things unexpectedly (though, inevitably) change. So, throughout my graduate career, I’ve often said that I “have an open mind” about what to pursue next.

And I’ve learned that this “open mind” can often be misconstrued as a “lack of certainty”. I won’t say that “a lack of certainty” is entirely inaccurate – there is some truth to that. But the mistake is in thinking that a lack of certainty is a bad thing. It’s not. In fact, last week in my Leadership & Management for Scientists course, we discussed theimportance of uncertainty. By remaining uncertain, or doubtful, you also maintain openness and curiosity – you want to learn more. Being comfortable with uncertainty allows you to be ready for change. Remember: life is not that concrete.

I have my annual committee meeting next week, and I plan to tell them that I would like to wrap up my PhD in about a year (+/- some months, depending on when my next job start date would be…I’ve got to maintain my access to health insurance, ya know? 🤣). And I’m expecting them to ask me that simple question,“What’s next?”

Now, because they are my committee, I do have some specific job options that I am planning to mention…but my first bullet point under current career goals is, “Still have an open mind.” I follow this with the skills I enjoy using and why I think the job options I’ve come up with will be good for me. I am hopeful they will give me honest feedback – and now that I’ve been working with them for 3+ years, I am certain that they will.

I’m now 27 (almost 28 😅) and so the pressure to know what I want to “do with my life” can feel a bit heavier. I’ve been talking with a lot of people in different careers or stages of their lives, and I’ve been reminded time and time again that most people don’t know what they want to do for their career. And while this is especially true for people at my career stage, that sense of “uncertainty” or feeling “unsettled” seems to not ever go away for some people. In some ways, it is a bit remiss to think that you will do the same job forever. And, for a lot of people, it would be boring to do the same job forever. By maintaining that “uncertainty” with your career, you also maintain your openness to change and, thus, growth.

My favorite piece of advice I’ve received recently when considering careers is to “follow your heart…but also make a god damn decision.” 😂😂 She apologized for her language, and I said that I really appreciated the honesty. Too many people’s advice is just the first part of that sentence, “follow your heart.” Which is honestly, a really unhelpful piece of advice for me because of that uncertainty I’ve felt (remember, it was only last week that I learned the value of uncertainty).

Ultimately, you do have to make a decision. But, like I’ve said, life is not that concrete. You make a decision that feels right in that moment, and maybe two years down the road you learn that you want something new. And that’s okay! It is okay to change our mind, change our interests, and to pursue new passions. Truly, I think that’s what makes life so exciting.

Ten years ago when I was graduating high school I said that my ten year plan was to be living in North Carolina, working as a physical therapist, married to the love of my life, and have three kids 😆 And while that does sound kind of nice – I can’t imagine that being better than the life I am living now. In this life, I’ve gotten to enjoy several solo trips, I’ve gained so much confidence and independence, I’m so proud of the work I do and believe in the impact it can have on this world, and I’ve met the true love of my life…here in NY!! Life isn’t always easy, but I am happy where I am at and excited for where I’m heading.

WHAT’S NEXT?? Well, you’ll just have to wait and see 😎