I’m trying something a little new and different with this blog post…I’m open to feedback, so let me know if you actually like this or if you couldn’t give two shits (please be kind to me, I’m sensitive).

If you couldn’t tell from my Reading List page, I love reading. And…I am aware that my taste in books is a little different from most people, given that I really love reading nonfiction and memoirs. If you happen to ever read any of the nonfiction books or memoirs that I have listed, you may notice that I kind of take after the authors’ writing styles. I love reading their books because I feel like they’re talking right to me and having a conversation with me. And that’s what I try to do in my own writing. That’s kind of where I came up with the memo for my blog: “Intalksicology: let’s communicate science like we’re talking to real people (because we are!!)”

Ok, enough foreplay 😂 I recently re-read The Defining Decade: Why your Twenties matter and how to make the most of them now by Meg Jay, PhD. I first read this book in 2020. I was a recent college graduate just beginning her first big girl job (in hopes of making and saving money as well as identifying if graduate school was right for me) AND I was simultaneously going through a big break up and a global pandemic all at the same time. To say that my life was going through some big changes is an understatement.

I had a lot of uncertainties about my future: would I like this job? Would I like research enough to go to graduate school? Did I want to go to graduate school? Where would I be moving for graduate school? Would I survive living with my parents? Would I ever find love again? Was I worthy of love? Was I going to get sick? How sick would I get? What about my family, would they be okay? Was life ever going to feel normal again? – Fun Fact: I genuinely do not think I had anxiety prior to the pandemic! Clearly, I was showing pretty strong signs of anxiety in these moments (I am now diagnosed and treated!!)

I read this book, not really knowing anything about it. I think I saw a tweet or Tiktok suggesting it, so I decided to read it. As uncertain and lost I was feeling in my life, reading this book helped me feel happy about the direction my life was going – I felt like I was doing something right. And I realized that, for once, I was choosing me.

I think it is so easy to get bogged down with the thoughts of, “Am I doing the right thing?,” “Is this all really worth it?,” “How can I make decisions about my future if I don’t even know what I want?” Reading this book reminded me that, yes, I am doing the right thing. Yes, this is all really worth it. And that by making the decision to do or to not do something will help you identify what you want for your future.

If you read my most recent blogpost, you know that I’ve been kind of going through it. When I met with my mentor to tell her that I was struggling, she told me how she thought the twenties were the most challenging decade. And this book really only validates that 😂 But challenges are what help us grow! And as hard as life feels sometimes, I’ve already been impressed with myself by the things I’ve done and the things I’ve learned about myself in the first 6 years of my twenties. And I know that the next 4 years of my twenties will reveal a lot more! As I often say, I am my favorite person to know and learn about…I can’t wait to keep getting to know me more.

Graduate school is a really unique season of life. Maybe “unique” isn’t the right word, because I was going to say how you are overworked and underpaid…which I know is true for many people across many different fields at every different level 😂 But, I digress. However, something I recently realized is that while we may be overworked and underpaid, at the very least, we DO get the highest degree one can get at the end of it!!! That is pretty lucky!!! Many people are overworked and underpaid and all they get out of it is a negative outlook towards their boss, work, life, etc. So, in comparison, our outlook with the addition of “Ph.D.” at the end of our names, looks pretty good.

Given all this recent internal turmoil, I decided to give the book a good read again! Within the first two chapters, heck! Maybe even within the introduction, I felt calm and was reminded that this is all worth it. (See mom and dad, I DO re-read the books that I have purchased).

One of the things that stood out to me most was the idea of “personal capital.” In psychology, personal capital is defined as the internal resources we each have available to help us navigate situations: hope, efficacy, resiliency, and optimism – or, HERO (source). Personal capital may be built by going to college, vocational school, graduate school, starting a new job, moving to a new place, stuff like that. But, it can also be built by traveling to new places, trying new activities, meeting new people or building stronger relationships with the people you already know. It can be built in a lot of different ways!!

I was personally really excited to read this section of the book, because at first I thought about the obvious: while I am not really making a lot of money right now, I am getting a PhD, developing and improving my research skills, networking, traveling to conferences, really working on developing those HERO characteristics through the trials and tribulations of graduate school, etc. So, while I may sometimes feel a bit behind in financial capital, I’m actually doing pretty dang good with my personal capital. However, I soon realized that I was building my personal capital in a lot of really fun and unique ways that were less obvious (to me). And I think my blog showcases a lot of these 😊

One of my favorite ways in which I’ve built my personal capital is through my solo travels. My first solo road trip was truly the first time in my life where I felt like I was doing something for me, and only for me. I learned a lot about myself on this trip, and on each new solo road trip, I’ve continued to learn more. Again, I am my favorite person to know and learn about. You should read the book to learn and think about how you can build your own personal capital in ways that are authentic to you 😉

Another part of this book that really spoke to me was the section devoted to relationships. Last time I read this book, I had just ended a 5 year relationship. This time reading the book, I’ve just started a new relationship! Ah! Scary! Please don’t ask me why I’m so scared, my therapist and I are figuring that out 😂 I feel okay writing this here because I’ve expressed these feelings to my partner…so he won’t be learning about them for the first time from this 😅 Anyhow, something I used to say about myself was how I was “the epitome of a single woman in her twenties, just throwing herself into her work.” And…I really liked that identity for myself. Being a strong, independent, intelligent, hard working woman…those are all the things I want and like to be. Prior to re-reading this book, I sometimes felt sad because I felt like being in a relationship took away from that identity.

BUT, reading this book reminded me that I can be both a strong, independent, intelligent, hard working woman and a loving partner. I can be a strong, independent, intelligent, hard working woman and still be deserving of love and princess treatment. Being a loving partner and receiving love and princess treatment do not take away from my identity at all! If anything, it adds to it 😊

Something that my family’s dog, Remy, taught me is that loving someone/something is the BEST thing that we can do. I know that might sound silly, but it’s true. After losing our childhood dog, DIB, I felt certain I would never love another dog again. When we got Remy, I was hesitant to open my heart up to him (which truly breaks my heart to think about now…he is so deserving of love, and he is my bestest buddy). My dad was actually the one to tell me that you don’t give fractions of your love to people and pets, instead, your love only grows. (This is one of the sweetest things my dad has ever said to me). Loving Remy, DIB, and our newest dog Nougat has only added to my life, not taken away from it. And that’s true for humans too!

OK this little review, or perhaps reflection, of this book is getting pretty long, so I’ll try to wrap things up. This book also dives into the difference between “goals” and “shoulds” – our internally driven aspirations compared to external pressures and expectations, the importance of making decisions and taking actions (failing to make a decision or take an action is a decision in and of itself), the value of being our authentic selves and building relationships, it reminds us that this era of life is not supposed to be easy, but it is still exciting, as our lives aren’t over, we are only getting started!!!

I’ve said enough, you will learn more and take your own messages from this book if you go ahead and give it a read yourself 😉 I hope you enjoy it!